Why your friends are important
Why friends are important
January of 2009, Burger King ran this ad campaign where they said if you would “un-friend” 10 of your Facebook friends they would send you a coupon for a free Whopper. (The way it was supposed to work was when you un-friended the person, BK would send them a notification that they had been un-friended for a delicious hamburger, which was supposed to make you say, “Wow, this burger must be something.”) Well, the NYT reported that the stunt worked too well … within the 1st week 233,906 friendships were terminated and BK was obligated to 23K Whoppers and had to discontinue the ad.
How valuable is friendship to you?
The word friendship has taken on a skewed meaning in our society.
• I don’t know how many friends I have on Facebook …
• but most of them are not what the Bible would refer to as a “friend,” even if Mark Zuckerburg calls them “friend.”
Job 2:1–13 KJV
1 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them to present himself before the Lord.
2 And the Lord said unto Satan, From whence comest thou? And Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.
3 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause.
4 And Satan answered the Lord, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life.
5 But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face.
6 And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life.
7 So went Satan forth from the presence of the Lord, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown.
8 And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself withal; and he sat down among the ashes.
9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.
10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.
11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.
12 And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven.
13 So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.
The point of Job 2:1-13 is that even after everything Job had suffered He still had friends
Most people just don’t pursue genuine friendships.
- Some don’t know how;
- some don’t think it is important.
• A recent survey asked the question:
“Over the past 6 months, with how many people have you “discussed deeply an important matter?”
- Over half of them couldn’t come up with anyone outside their family.
Many just don’t think it is important …
As you study God’s word, you’ll see that few things in life are as important as friendship
For two primary reasons:
1. We are made for friendship
• I’m going to explain today why it is virtually impossible to be really happy without friendships, by God’s design.
2. Friendship makes us … We’re made for it; it makes us
• There is not any factor that is determines your life more
• than your friendships.
I’m going to show you that if you get your friends right,
• that one single thing, more than any other, will set you up for success
On the flip side, if you get them wrong,
• you are almost guaranteeing some significant struggles in your future.
Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.
The two reasons friendship really matters in your life …
1. Friendship matters because we are made for friendship
John 15:9–17 KJV
9 As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.
12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
17 These things I command you, that ye love one another.
This passage is all about friendship.
• Jesus uses the word “friend” 3 times
• it’s clearly his subject.
• So, whenever Jesus uses the word “love” in this passage
• he is talking about friendship love.
Friendship was never created.
It’s part of the eternal nature of God.
• There has never been a time, in all of eternity, when there was no friendship.
• You and I are created in God’s image,
• which means we were created for friendship.
• That’s why when God created Adam, he said, “It is not good that man should be alone.”
• Think about it … that’s an odd statement …
• Why would God look at something he has just made, that no one has messed up yet, and declare it to be ‘not good’?
• Because Adam was alone … and Adam was made in the image of God,
• and God was not alone.
Adam was not lonely because he was imperfect;
• Adam was lonely because he was perfect.
All of our other problems in life arise out of our sin and imperfections;
• loneliness is the one problem that you’ve got because you’re made in the image of God.
What a God-like friendship looks like
A true friend is someone who
1. always lets you in
2. and never lets you down
Always lets you in
John 15:15 KJV
15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
• Servants don’t really know the hearts of their masters they just obey.
Jesus was saying:
• I have always wanted more for you
• not just to be servants who obey,
• but to share my life with you
• My joys, my thoughts, my pain.
• I want us to fellowship; walk together.”
That is why you can’t have that many true friends
There is not enough space in your life to tell everybody everything … It’s not safe!
• You can’t promise everyone in your life that you know that you can be there for them “whenever.”
• I can’t post on Facebook to all my “friends”: “Call me anytime, night or day.
Do you need help moving? I own a truck.
Someone to watch your cat on vacation?
Bring them to me.”
My real friends would never do that
because they know I’d box that cat up and FedEx it back to the depths of Hell where it came from.
Seriously, you just can’t have that many people that just show up at your house at 1 a.m. and expect you to get up.
A true friend “always lets you in” … and true a friend “Never lets you down”:
John 15:13–14 KJV
13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Jesus was so committed to his friends he would go to hell and back (literally) for them.
• Before he would let them down he would lay his life down.
• There was nothing that could make him turn away
• no burden he wouldn’t bear;
• no offense he wouldn’t forgive.
“What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer!”
This is one of the most absolutely distinctive things about Christianity.
Other religious leaders … Muhammad, Buddha, Confucius …
• never related to their followers this way.
• They left behind their sayings after they died and said, “Obey this.”
Jesus left himself behind … in the Holy Spirit and his invitation was “follow me” and “walk with me.”
• Not just OBEY ME but COMMUNE WITH ME.
So, friendship matters because we are made for it.
The quality of your life goes up so much when you have friends.
2. Friendship matters because it makes us
Proverbs 13:20 KJV
20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: But a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
• That verse just told you what one factor determines how your life turns out:
• with who you choose to walk with
We all have something we’d like to become
• maybe, a better parent.
• A better student/worker.
• A more solid Christian
What if the decision to become that was really a decision about what friends you chose?”
• It’s not the dreams you dream that determine your destiny;
• it’s the small decisions you make …
• and one of the most important decisions is whom you choose to walk with.
You are one friend away from being a better parent, better spouse …
or one friend away from being a worse one!
You show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.
Those are the two reasons that friendship matters
1. Because you are made for it
2. and it makes you
Knowing this, what are the types of friends that you should have?
The book of Proverbs was written by Solomon …
• Jewish rabbis claimed that a lot of it was David’s wisdom he had passed on to Solomon.
• David’s life was built around 3 major friendships
I suggest that these are 3-types of friendships we all need:
Friend Type 1: Samuel (Crown Bestower)—
God revealed to Samuel what he had called David when he was a shepherd and declared that over him.
Do you have friends like that?
I do.
• They have been so influential on me.
• They could see what God was doing and called me up into it … they held the crown over my life and urged me to grow into it.
“Your identity is determined by what the most important people in your life think about you.”
Friend Type 2: Jonathan (Faithful Companion)—
Jonathan was David’s best friend as a teenager …
• he was Saul’s son …
• Saul who was the king of Israel at the time. King Saul started to hate David because he was jealous of him.
• Jonathan risked his own life several times to warn David, to encourage him.
• And that’s even more remarkable when you consider that David’s ascension to the throne came at great personal cost to Jonathan …
• Jonathan was Saul’s son … who should have been king next?
• He should have. But Jonathan said, “God chose you, and if I can help you get to that, I’ll do it.”
Do you have a friend like that?
1 Samuel 23:18 (KJV)
18 And they two made a covenant before the Lord: and David abode in the wood, and Jonathan went to his house.
Jonathon heard David was discouraged, and got up and walked 30 miles to encourage him! 30 miles!
(Don’t you get annoyed by passive friends?
Won’t call back, etc.
I need just a few who are always close.
I can’t have that many, but I want a few.
Jonathan is the opposite of the passive friend.)
A faithful companion is that person who walks in when everyone else walks out.
These friends say, “I’m not just going to pray for you, but I’m going to pray with you.”
SHARES YOUR PAIN; MAKES YOUR PAIN HIS OWN
Ecclesiastes 4:9–11 KJV
9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.
10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
Proverbs 18:24 KJV
24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
You say, “I want these kinds of friends.”
• The local church provides a vehicle for developing those kinds of relationships …
Friend Type 3: Nathan (Loyal Wounder).
Later in David’s life, he would get into sin … tried to cover it up, and live a lie.
It was destroying David. God sent Nathan to tell him the truth. (2 Sam 12)
Do you have these people in your life?
When is the last time you got a friend who loved you enough to tell you,
• That is a stupid decision.
• What you’re doing is not going to work,
• you’ll hurt your marriage
• you’ll hurt your testimony,
• you’ll hurt your relationship with God?
How did you respond?
When this happens … it will make you mad.
But it could save your life.
Proverbs 27:6 KJV
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Kisses feel better than wounds;
• and if you only have people around you who give you kisses, life may feel good for a while,
• but you’ll destroy yourself.
You need to deputize a few friends.
In other words, we must give them a hunting license …
Ask them to be honest
Proverbs 27:17 KJV
17 Iron sharpeneth iron; So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
What kind of a friend have you been?
What types of friends do you have?
Our hope at Irvington Bible Baptist Church is that this podcast provided some encouragement and has helped you to develop a closer relationship with the LORD Jesus Christ.
